Wholesome Family Values
by Jupiter Queen
Summary: The Masterson-Garcia home is a place of peace and quiet... on opposite day. (One-shot series.)


_**Warning**_ _: Profanity, crude humor, sexual references, etc. (My specialties)_

 _ **A/N**_ _: Welcome to "Wholesome Family Values," where most—if not all—of the one-shots in this collection are anything but wholesome, and lack positive family values. I wanted to write about the Masterson-Garcia household and all the crazy shit that occurs under that roof. I love the glimpses we got of their home life during the show, so I'm devoting an entire collection to Jonesy, Jen, Courtney, Robbie, Diego, baby Emma, their parents, and whoever decides to pay them a visit._

 _Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Jonesy walked down the hallway and into his baby sister's nursery. He looked around, still getting used to the thin-striped, pink and white walls.

A few months ago, this was his dad's home office space, with file cabinets and other office furniture adorning the room. Long before that, it used to be Robbie's nursery, with Mr. Garcia making it into his office because he thought he wouldn't have any more kids… Oh, what a surprise baby Emma turned out to be for _him_.

Nevertheless, she was a much-adored addition to the family, the first child to truly be a Masterson-Garcia, but hopefully the last child for both sides of the family. (Six children under one roof was more than enough.)

Jonesy strolled over to her crib and peeped into it, finding her trying to gnaw on her own foot.

He chuckled. "Hey, poopy pants."

She looked at Jonesy with curious blue eyes, staring at him before a smile appeared on her chubby face. She babbled at him and extended her short arms in the air, hoping to be picked up.

He couldn't deny the satisfaction he felt whenever she grew lively in his presence. It made him feel like he was doing something right as a big brother.

He reached into her crib and scooped her into his arms.

"You wanted to see me, didn't ya?"

She cooed, still smiling.

"I know you did, Em. I know you did."

More cooing.

"What's that?" he asked, pretending to understand her nonsensical babbling. "You want to go flying?" He paused for a beat, and his sister's face grew confused. "Alright, if you say so."

He hoisted baby Emma into the air, spinning her around, much to her joy. She giggled and giggled and giggled as her brother twirled her around the room, with him making airplane noises in the process.

"It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a superbaby!" he joked in a silly voice as he lifted her up and down.

Having a baby sister was pretty sweet. He could be as goofy as he wanted without ridicule—especially because she couldn't talk and everything amused her anyways. Plus, he didn't remember many of the moments he shared with Robbie and Diego when they were babies. Jonesy was two years old when Diego was born and five years old by the time Robbie was. _Way_ different experiences than being a big brother while on the verge of seventeen.

He never got to lift either of his brothers in the air, nor sit them on his lap and watch action movies with them. (In all fairness, he could now, but the effect would neither be the same, nor be enjoyable for _any_ party involved.)

Surely, he remembered what it was like to come back from the hospital with newborn Robbie in tow (and asking his parents why they kept having more kids).

However, baby Emma was… a fresh start. A way to see a sibling grow up and be old enough to remember all her finest moments. Her giggles, her cooing, her eventual first words—which he hoped would be "Jonesy's the coolest"—and every moment after that.

"Looks like someone loves being a big brother again," a voice called out to him.

Jonesy turned around, finding Jen standing in the doorway. She smiled and crossed her arms.

As he held Emma close to him, mindlessly patting the baby's back, he said, " _Ha ha_. Just rub it in—I love my little sister."

"Hey, I'm not poking fun at you," she said, walking into the nursery. "In fact, I think it's sweet that you love someone who isn't you."

Jonesy rolled his eyes, but replied, "Yeah, yeah. But I did kinda miss this—y'know, when they're too young to talk back and prank you and go through the crap in your room."

Before he could say anything else, however, Emma coughed something warm onto his back.

He froze with an expression so repulsed that Jen couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Okay, I did _not_ miss this. Gross." He winced, realizing that his baby sister threw up on his back.

Jen's laughter subsided. "This was _so_ worth seeing."

"Shut up, Flash," he snapped, reminding her of the nickname that stemmed from her rambunctious toddler years.

She sobered and let out a sigh. "Want me to take care of her while you get cleaned up?"

He wasted no time giving Emma to Jen. "Please."


End file.
